It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
and then you went into taco bell without pants...and surprisingly you weren't the only one there without pants
On a positive note, new entry in my phone as 'HOT ASS, DOWN TO FUCK'. idk if its a boy or girl tho.
Update, its a couple
It's shedding
I told you penises don't tan
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
Carrying your RA back to her room wasn't the conclusion I was expecting for the first thursday back
I woke up because a stranger was shoving an already lit bowl into my mouth. Spring break is awesome
We tried to make ramen in a glass bowl on the stove. They called facilities to pick the glass out of the door
I AM COVERED IN FAKE BLOOD AND REAL CUM. I AM AWESOME
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
On a scale of one to Harambe, how attached were you to your goldfish?
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
I purposely left my thong and accidentally left my ethics book, hairspray and most of my dignity.
Randomize
