He is fucking rediculously sexy. DO HIM NOW. NOW. NOW. NOW.
ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
i just found my sim card.....i hid it in my tylenol bottle....i guess to ensure i would find it mid-hangover
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
tiger just fucked it up for all of us...she grabbed my phone this morning and started asking questions.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I want him for more than banging and buying me potato salad. Is this what love feels like?
I want the address of the individual responsible for strawbeeritas. I want to send them gift basket.
He said did you just interrupt me midsentence to admire another man's penis?
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'd say I was is in rare form last night but it's becoming pretty common.
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