my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
Not sure. No solid plans. Just tanning nude.
Oh you don't have to buy a shower curtain, I stole the one from her bathroom. It has dolphins on it.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
I woke up to a full mcdonalds meal being shoved in my face. Mom mustve noticed the empty tequila bottle. I love family.
She pulled me up to my feet by my hair. I thought it was you for a second. My drunken angel savior.
also new logic of mine : I fuck a Scottish kid , Scotland national animal is a Unicorn airgo I've come close to fucking a unicorns descendent, mother always said dreams come true
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
The dominatrix coworker is currently listening to pop music that has been translated into an Irish dialect and sung by high school kids. Every day gets weirder here.
I will literally have glitter in my crotch for weeks.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize