By the way the awkward moment from yesterday is now a bad situation I have to figure out.
Thank you Grey Goose.
also: i found my "nug jug", actually the baby did, but either way it got returned to its rightful owner
My brother just asked if I would keep having one nighters with that guy because he really likes the organic cotton v-necks he leaves behind.
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
I am the slutty bisexual glue that holds this friendship group together.
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
So glad the long weekend is over so I can bring this bender to a merciful end.
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
So I'll bring my machete and we can smoke your shit.
Out of context, that is a hilariously scary message.
i need to put some appletini on your dick
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
I let a 30 year old guitar player that works at a call center go down on me in his backseat last night
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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