We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
lets just say that i have already today: gotten drunk, got in a fight, got stranded an hour away from home, found a ride, sobered up, and slept. woken back up, and here i am. its been a long day. Day drinking is bad for friendships.
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
Yes, you can 69 in a fiat. But I think I have permanent nerve damage
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
i officially have over $300 in my bank account. that's a year's worth of chipotle.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I like to be the stable force in your otherwise chaotic existence.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
Randomize
