got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
he was screaming in a recently acquired accent that he paid for delivery and they could cancel the entire order if they didn't come upstairs
I thought you said it was going to get worse not hilarious.
the delivery boy turned out to be my students mother. now she knows that i have incredibly low standards AND thanks to the fact that he still has dialup the pizza tracker was way off and she rang the bell and he answered mid bong rip.
amateur piercings on our way to the beach? check.
went thru the pain of a Brazilian and he's passed the fuck out while i eat Doritos and watch tbs. fuck married life i want out
Go to petsmart and tell me if the dog trainer is the guy I slept with friday. Thanks.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
I found them on a couch next to the sidewalk screaming at cars with a megaphone. Kevin chased the mailman with a jello shot.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
She showed up to the party with a live octopus and a 30 pack that was already half gone
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
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