I just walked in on my mom and dad......It wasn't my dad
I'm not really sure how I got home, but judging by this headache, i'm assuming it involved bourbon.
My phone really needs to stop auto correcting "library" to "ovary".
Top hats and gin. This is why I love day drinking.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Remember that time you bought snap bracelets on Amazon and they sent you 300 pregnancy tests instead? Amazon knows.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
LET US USE OUR GENITALS TO CELEBRATE THIS VICTORY
WTF? Why is there a pic of my tits in ur dad's office?
Naked and Afraid: Hangover edition
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
