The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Counseling BFF to break up with her BF. We will get that 3-way
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
You kept yelling "wood grain wheel" and grinding on fat chicks.
The hell is wrong with me
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
came home to a trail of roses from the door halfway up the stairs. but my nonsingle roommate lives downstairs. idk if they celebrated on the stairs or if some girl tried to woo me last night and i don't remember
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
Idk I've been drinking all day and they're having me blow shit up. Like dont let the drunk chick play with fire and explosives. Common sense 101. I will fuck something up
You slid down a wall, tried to pull your cast off and yelled that casts were too conformist.
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
Randomize
