I mean come on, he's the best quarterback in the state and doesn't even know how to put on condom
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
It didn't get weird until she took off her underwear, looked down, and said "fill her up!"
Saying we were separated at birth, got on a ship and sailed here via onion barrel from Somalia didn't help our case at all....
all i know is that i listed him in my phone as 'vagina cookies.' that can only be a good thing.
Yeah, this dress is irreparably whorey. I've resigned myself to being a family scandal.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
My reasons for going are selfish. She just opened her own law firm. I figure having a lawyer as a friend is a good idea. Nothing in my life suggests I won't need a lawyer again.
i accidentally sent all my draft messages..how do i do damage control for the multiple "fuck me now" type msgs sent at ten am?
HOW IS IT EARTHLY POSSIBLE TO DO THAT MUCH DAMAGE WITH JUST MY THUMBS?? HOW???
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
Saddle up bitches, we're going to an orgy.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
I’m tired of his bullshit and premature ejaculation. I’m going to hotel bars and finding a guy who is DTF
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