Rock
Scissors
Fuck
had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
why did i wake up to an event notice that says "Shit Just Got Real"?
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
i do not condone bathtub ky wrestling
he bonged a 1/5 of jack and came back an hour later blacked out with a legitimate chicago firemans helmet
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
You ruined his night from a different state? Impressive.
She fell down the stairs and hit her head on the concrete. Then she stood up, flashed us and stumbled away. I forgot to get her number..
It was actually pretty good. His cock is as fat as the rest of him and I took out my contacts so I couldn't see him clearly.
Some idiot from high school is in the hospital for bonging three beers up his ass
He should have died. Natural selection.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Omg. I definitely just got hit on by my doctor AFTER he completed my pap smear which clearly showed I was in the middle of an outbreak. What. The. Fuck.
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
We were drunk at 3am with no food. I sent him to the lobby with ninety cents for like a bag of chips and I swear on my life he came back with a meatball sub
...did you ask him where he got a meatball sub at 3:00am?
He just kept mumbling something about being a hunter/gatherer
Oh AND he got us two bags of chips.
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