Sexting assembly today. Fuck yes
She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
worst. lesbian. ever. i'm not sure she knows a clit from a pencil eraser.
Got drunk. Then they sung "we didnt start the fire" to my other cousin who accidentally burnt down the house when she was younger.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
he was spitting whole peanuts projectile out of his mouth at the waitresses as they walked by and then yelled across the restaurant that he had "no problem kicking any of their asses"
Some chick just barfed in my math class. Everyone here is hungover. Yay community college
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
You were spooning an empty magnum of white wine in the middle of the bed so I slept on the couch
Well at least there's no more confusion about your place in my life. Wine > pizza > your dick > the rest of you.
Love you...
At least your nickname is not Plunge Slut and that nickname is not in a published thesis work
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
My freshman suitemate just walked into the kitchen to find my fuck buddy making chicken enchiladas without me anywhere to be found. Awkward or awesome?
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