Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
What's the politest way to tell someone that you're only interested in them when they're naked, and even then it's just like a passing "meh?"
I don't want to have to wonder if I'm draining my pasta in the same side of the sink you pissed in
I took her to see 2012 then broke up with her, the movie was a metaphor.
We woke up in an inflatable kiddie pool full of both empty and full beer cans. In the middle of his dad's office. Oh, and we were locked in. Nobody remembers.
Their house warming gift for us was a half case of keystone and getting the cops called..
Why did the fire extinguisher taste lemony?
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
i'm scootering my little heart out so i'm not late for a weed pickup. this is the meaning of adolescence
They wont sell alcohol here on election day! HOW THE FUCK DO THEY EXPECT ME TO ENJOY THE ELECTION SOBER?
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
this whole "benign brain tumor" is truly a blessing in disguise. I almost want to start bringing MRIs to the bar because sympathy pussy is flowing like the nile
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
Turns out I screen transfered my streaming trucker restroom porn vid to the downstairs neighbors'TV instead of my own, damn you chromecast
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