there's paper in my vomit.
i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
remind me not buy ky at kmart ever again. Had to get a manager to open the locked case. then he stood there and watched me look through the selection
I hate that ur telling me this.
The guy in front of me in lecture is using a fifth of smirnoff as a water bottle.
Nevermind, it's not water.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
I mean like, I missed 30 minutes of star wars to fuck you on Christmas so you must be worth something
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
I’m also apparently a very socialist drunk now
Instead of a horny one. All I want to fuck is capitalism these days.
I woke up naked in a tent. I was more upset that the air mattress had deflated.
Randomize
