I think I might be in your shoes. Except they are actually my shoes. Either way these shoes are wasted.
my mom hid the smirnoff from me. this is the most fucked up game of hide and seek EVER
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
You don't have to be drunk! I've licked your asshole before
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
My cock is literally on the edge of falling off. Fuck Vegas.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
I got kicked out of the bar for suggesting that the bartender drop her tits into my Redbull instead of the usual liquor
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
Definition of cool: he wants a back tattoo of three horses running through a "paisley explosion"
How did he even become this person? Like what drugs has he done??
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
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