I'm fucking him on the second date. I don't give a fuck what Patti Stanger says.
you were sitting on the floor cleaning up your own puke and telling my mom she should hire you as a maid.
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
Um he just came into the kitchen naked to get her purse or something?
He told him to "throw up in my mouth like I'm a baby bird."
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I will buy you batman underwear babe. I'll make sure you wear them every time we have to adult.
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
What can I say, I just want your vagina in my mouth.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize
