now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
We just made watching Intervention into a drinking game. We drink everytime someone does drungs.
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
But guess what. I'm gonna roll over and go to sleep cuz there's no cuddling in phone sex.
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
She tried to sleep on the front steps of her salon so she wouldn't be late for work and these people put her in a cab to my house. She is nothing if not responsible. Can u imagine her boss finding her there this morning?
Employee of the year! :)
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
"I'm 95% straight," he says. Cut to him on his knees...by far the most beautiful guy I've ever fucked.
HE FINALLY TEXT ME AND CALLED ME BY MY TWITTER NAME STAND BY FOR THE WEDDING INVITE, BRIDESMAID
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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