6 figure salary? he just got a little cuter.
and the mascot is a pinecone. its really no surprise that people here dont get laid
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
my mouth is as dry as a post-menopausal camel on antidepressant's vagina.
Man, only now that I'm single is it painfully obvious that I have zero booty calls in waiting. This could be a cold winter
Hypothetically going to the gym on coke was a good idea
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
It's just not a Friday night unless I'm getting propositioned by a guy in a wheelchair via Facebook messenger...
Come over so we can have two person sex in this one person tent
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I can smell the sangria seeping out of my pores
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Almost lost a vagina lip in the great shave of '16
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
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