I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
It's a lost cause. Soon she's gonna get naked, just let nature run its course
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
I just set an alarm for 5 am tomorrow morning titled "Wake and Bake Its Christmas motherfucker"
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
Damn him and his beautiful face and body and penis.
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
Is it something I'm going to want to hug you for or slap you for?
Randomize
