I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
It's safe to say that our attempt at trying to fuck in the grand Sierra elevator was a bad idea.
When you gave the girl your number the fat girl was like "take mine....here please take mine"
WHY AM I BEING COCKBLOCKED BY A KID PLAYING HAVA NAGILA ON THE SAXAPHONE
Just woke up from a dream where you lived in a gingerbread house on a snowy cliff by the sea. The dolphins were swimming away from a giant dust storm. You REALLY ought to smoke this before bed tonight.
He is so amazingly handsome. I just wanna fuck every shred of decency out of him.
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
Boys should be on-demand - like, once you select one, he's yours for the next 24-hours
In my dream, you became a famous tap-dancer. Congratulations.
Right now I'm in a club where they are passing out glow in the dark dildos by the dozen. I don't think my life will ever get weirder than it is at this moment.
Dude. There are selfies on my phone of me, wide-eyed, sucking my pillow. We did NOT split that bag 50/50.
I felt really bad for not letting her go in, it was like we were dangling lesbians in front of her
Hey now one little girl thought it was cool I was covered in blood. Apparently according to her Mom she wants to be a surgeon when she grows up
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
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