had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
One night stand!! Now I'm pissing excellence
That burning is chlamydia
Forget abc fam drinking games. Take a shot everytime Tyra says I and you'll be dead by the first commercial
it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
After my mom met Tanner, she literally turned and said "he's from old money, top of his class at Emory, already has doctors courting him for jobs and judging from your vocal performance the other night, he's gifted in bed. Fake a pregnancy right now"
I come from her. Holy hell.
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
Last night, I listened to Aladdin on my ipod while I stole bread and cheese from Wal-Mart. I feel like you're the only one who'd be proud of me.
You drunkenly said something along the lines of "move forever" to the lady standing in your way. Needless to say you had too many mimosas at breakfast.
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
I CAN’T BELIEVE YOU STUCK YOUR DICK IN CRAZY!
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