Weren't you self-described as an 'arab' slut?
No?
Well my cheeks are red now
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
My cardio has turned into running out of the cold from bar to bar.
She was drinking straight whiskey out of her peacock shaped vase again.
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
Dude, she brought over peach cobbler, weed and alcohol plus I'm gonna get laid. She's by far the coolest sister you have.
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
if you're the one who put those dollar bills in my bra last night, thank you because I just used that money to get myself a coffee
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
It's the never-ending clusterfuck that is my love life
I've had your balls on my face a bunch of times so the least you could do is buy a girl some dinner.
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
Unless it has to do with ramen, goldfish, cheese, or rugby, don't talk to me.
I peed in my closet, which at the time looked like a sparkly bathroom...
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