Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
You tried to tell me you weren't high while you were eating French onion dip out of the jar with a spoon
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
Did I hear correctly when it sounded like he said "just don't let me throw up into your vaj?"
Remember the girl passed out in front of my fireplace?
Care to explain why there is sushi in the soap dish in the bathroom
I know. My only sports are biking to buy drugs and running from the police.
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
Bunch of Navy warships just sailed into New York Harbor for Fleet Week. Nobodys getting laid this weekend.
By 11 pm the pants were off and there was no turning back. But on the bright side, you promised me your CDs when you died, you even signed a napkin saying so.
When I wake up, please remind me why my shoe is in the toilet, my shower is filled with jello, and there is a naked girl sleeping on my coffee table holding a bag of Cheetos. that is all.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I wanna suck that fisherman's dick.
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