First rule of pills: If you can't remember what it is, take half.
its like an ocean threw up right in your lap
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
She calls me Shortcake and bites my ear. Trust me, I'm FINE with bein the secret lesbian lover.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
She was touching herself and looking a shoes online. My debt is bad enough without bringing that hot mess into my life.
Go for it! You're young. Have fun. Be somebody's expensive hobby like Anastasia Steele.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Also my roomates are going to be gone till sunday. Make correct decision here
Quit calling your parents your roomates
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
Randomize
