I feel like I'm in dance class right now
TBS has betrayed me by telling me tyler perry is funny
I have decided today is drunk costume day. That is, i woke up still drunk and found costumes all over my floor. Heck yes. This is happening. Come over. Drink.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
My hickies are dark enough that I can feel drivers judging me from across an intersection
At one point last night I over heard you say " I'm gonna puke in a bag and pour it down your throat" I LOVE YOU.
It turns out my English teacher used to pose for Playboy. She's an inspiration.
I'm usually good at keeping a straight face, but not while singing a ballad to a stranger in a bathroom.
He fingered me to the beat of the Fresh Prince theme song... it was pretty fantastic.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I’m not washing my pussy with handsoap.
His ass is a ten, but his personality is a two. Which would average to a six if I didn't have to figure in apologizing to all and sundry. In short hard no. Get a new wingman.
Randomize
