Todays lesson: Chew your food better when your drunk. I almost choked throwing up this morning.
Been considering the feasibility of adopting a kangaroo. Yes I'm very serious. And yes I'm very high.
His bond is $50,000..margarita Monday might get cancelled
and then he tried plucking my nose hairs. lines were crossed.
Best elective surgery ever. Having a great time ignoring girls' pleas to pull out and blowing it inside anyway. I like to watch them absolutely freak out and go batshit crazy for 20 mins before I mention the snip-snip surgery. Power trip.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
omg i wish you could see the front of my car.
There's literally a dust print of your body and your arm trying to hold on and the other one where your fingers visibly dragged down the hood.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
7:26 bus just came. I am sweatier than Louie Anderson eating chili in a sauna
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
i'm eating pizza lunchables and telling my boyfriend he can do better than me because i am a functional adult
All I remember is allowing my uber driver to pull over on the side of the road to give me a massage. I was alone
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
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