i wish i could watch tv and lissten to music at the same time...but still understand both
i think otters can do that
Hi, I just found this phone under my seat at a brewers game and seeing as you're entered in as 'fillllatio' I figured I'd ask you if you know the illiterate ass who owns this phone. Thanks :)
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I just watched her pee in a trashcan, im still probably going to fuck her, what does that say about my standards
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
I've got beer and a bag of saltwater taffy and croutons, is that enough for this typhoon thing?
this is an emotional support booty call
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I got really stoned and got my certification as an ordained minister. How productive has your day been?
My father has a definite type: blonde, busty, 18-22. It was awkward when I was in college, but now I'm over it. I play wingman for him and he buys me expensive purses for the assistance in getting him hooked up with girls younger than me. Win-win.
I've decided I will have no shame for the things I don't remember doing.
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
If I hear the phrase 'these unprecedented times' one more time I'm putting my foot up someone's ass.
Randomize