I'm at an open mic night and the next act is called 'the best creed cover band ever.' The guy i recently hooked up with is on bass.
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
We started playin just the tip, then shit got crazy
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
You called me at 4am shouting drunk shit about Poland and asking me to 'come out and play.' Where the fuck were you?
Poland
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I'm experimenting with sincerity
REMEBER. We are young, horny, and poor. If someone wants to give us alcohol... TAKE. IT.
Despite evidence suggesting otherwise, it turns out max is 100%straight.
Randomize
