I awoke in a cab to find myself on a ride to niagara falls. Apparently I paid the cab driver half up front.
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
update: ifinallt managed t5o be in a. Horizontal position without throwing up... the snmall victories.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
The bouncer was being really rude for no reason. Steph PICKED him up and physically MOVED him from our path on the way out.
Well thats the pro of going out drinking with a pro body builder. Even if its a girl.
All she kept whispering was put your pickle in my mouth. Then she fell out of her barstool and chipped her tooth
I don't understand how 5 bottles of booze became normal or acceptable per 2.5 people
Doing 9 month old dishes in my bath tub. These dishes literally had enough time to gestate a human child
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
i'm so glad to be in bed i'd like to thank the acadermy
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
I don't know how to explain to you that you tried to recreate the bit from the Dana Carvey show where a guy dressed as Bill Clinton breastfeeds a bunch of puppies
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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