fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
MTV Made just made me cry. Where have all of my life goals gone?
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I believe nudity is frowned upon at that establishment
I've fucked 6 of my brothers' friends. I'm completely fine with him fucking the girl we ate lunch with.
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
Can't tell if waking up covered in easy mac is the sign of an amazing or terrible night
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
nothing like waking up to a voice mail saying your std test came back negative
Why don’t they have healthy alcohol yet?
He told his wife he was too old to pretend to be straight. She tried to argue. He walked two tables over and was like this is my highschool sweetheart and he's an excellent fuck, we're running away together. It was epic.
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