Life after highschool has not been kind to her. She looked fatter than Luke Wilson's face in those AT&T commercials.
you busted in the room, ripped the covers off of us, ... and fist pumped
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
Yeah you insisted everyone watch Space Jam at 2 in the morning then you cried the whole way through it. You were the very worst kind of drunk.
Piecing together the sordid story from witness accounts and photographic evidence, courtesy of Fcebook. My night included Mojitos, lighting the bar on fire and declaring myself the Queen of Nerds when I stole someone's flashing tiara. Woke up this morning with a velvet cape and plastic scepter to match. Mojitos are awesome!
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
She said she is going to be sex-slave version of Princess Leia for halloween. You think there is any way I could pull off an attractive Jabba suit?
I'm eating Swedish fish out of my boobs and watching SOA.. There is no way your Tuesday night will be better than mine.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
I just woke and had to fish my phone out of a bowl of chili. I was wrist deep in it. WHO BROUGHT CHILI TO A PARTY?!
its not chili. and you brought it.
The last thing I remember saying was "Tequila for all!!"
If you count the sounds from the room down the hall....that was definitely NOT the last thing that came out of your mouth.
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