I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
I just told her she was a heartbeat above a blowup doll.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
her boobs were like sundried tomatoes..
I just don't understand how my upright asian catholic roommate is getting more than me.
I only keep her as my best friend so she wont hook up with my ex.
Its time to go balls to the wall to get any good D during these last few weeks of college.
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Thanks to a poorly written tweet a whole bunch of people thought I died last night.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Dad is celebrating turning 45 by being drunk in a department store before two o'clock.
As I was blowing him, he proceeded to tell me that his friend who I blew years ago gave me a five star review on my BJ skills. And, he agrees.
Atta girl.
I just talked comic books with a cop. We high-fived as he was running my name.
Proud of you.
We discussed the legality of being a vigilante. I won.
Randomize
