That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
she's sitting on the other side of the room at this party. with her smirnoff tucked in that little opening between her cleavage and shirt. drinking from a straw. snapping her fingers off beat.
it's love
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
Oh my god. I just realized something amazing. If I get pregnant with a boy, that technically means I have a penis right??????
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
I'm a complete klutz, especially when I get excited. I pee a lot too. I'm like a puppy except I don't pee in the floor.
He was wearing running shoes tho. Thats like the cardinal rule. You don't fuck a guy who wears running shoes as regular shoes.
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
last night I used snow as a chaser
It started off with wine and ended up with me in only my pearls and heels. It was about the classiest sexual experience I've ever had.
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