shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
I'm watching a Sinbad stand up special. Not even drugs can make this funny.
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
This went bad. Everyone is crying, i dont know why and I am really uncomfortable.
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
Who is he, asking me if im dtf without a question mark
...
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We jumped on a random trolley because total strangers offered us free vodka. We're not even on the route map as far as I can tell. I see now how those people died in "Hostel"... we deserve whatever happens to us tonight.
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
I vaguely remember making out with some dude. Please tell me he had all of his teeth.
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Thrres cinnamon everywgte. Plead cine get me
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
Randomize
