i have a bunch of little boys around me trying to hit on me
dont be selfish, show some boob
he was persistant. I supposedly owe him a bj from high school.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
He gave me one look and told me I'm not allowed to board the plane if I'm still as drunk by departure time.
I used a jello pudding cup as a shot chaser last night. I'm the Bill Cosby of alcoholics
I am now being bribed with one orgasm per every meal I eat. This is the best anorexia therapy ever
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
I spent 10 minutes contemplating condensation on grapes this morning.
Why are there jello shots in the kitchen drawer?
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
