3.50 mugs at the bar.
Nah man, im with an ugly chick. Im waiting til everyone's drunk enough tonight, they don't notice.
How ugly, and does she have friends?
Where were you when I was single???
Still in diapers.
dude i feel like shit
well u did eat a lot of play-doh
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
St Patricks Day is not the day you decide to have a sober epiphany.
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
This was baby jesus's way of getting you to wait until the next bikini wax
As your attorney I advise you to rage rapidly
Bailing my boss from jail at five in the morning.. If thats not a promotion I don't what is.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
I may be asexual, but I owe you a solid from yesterday. I am a man of my word.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
Who the abstract fuck do you think you are!?
Randomize