Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Hey. I found $5 in quarters from one of those state quarter collection books. I'm using it for food tomorrow.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
i know. thats why i need an open bar. i'll get hammered and make a toast about how his dick is like the titanic. large, but full of failure.
At a pool hall. Dudes walkin around with fuzzy handcuffs cuffed to his belt. The douche bag level grows higher still
I have a music final in an hour so I put all the classical songs we need to know in a shower power hour playlist, beer included.
no. it doesnt count as road head if youre parked
Trust me. My penis has made more than enough decisions this weekend.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
As soon as the clock wound down to zero, she declared "HALF-TIME HEAD" and pulled down my pants. After the swallow, she said "BEER CHASER," got me a new one, and asked if she could make me a sandwich. Pretty sure she's lobbying hard for a ring.
Weird thing is that's not the first time I've been felt up by a Santa. Happens every year
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
No I will not paint you for Mardi Gras in town. It is going to rain and you don't need another ID charge
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