i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
They went to the hospital to try backflips in the parking lot. Be ready for the call
I forgot to tell you thank you for putting me out when I was on fire. im sure I'll laught about this someday...
It's been two days. My balls feel like watermelons.
I'd rate him "doable" on a scale from "ew, run" to "you should've already fucked him".
That's about an "8" on normal scales.
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
Chose not to courtesy flush and the CEO huffed the result. I feel powerful.
THEY LEFT ME IN A CLUB BY MYSELF. I’M SO ANNOYED. I’M GOING TO FUCK THEIR BARTENDER FRIEND. Caps only because I’m really mad.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
true. but still. you know how big of a sucker i am for a penis and a pretty face.
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