Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
I thanked her for the handjob she gave me in the middle of the night. She had no idea what i was talking about. I think she sleep-jerked-me-off. Im def sleeping over tonight too
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
I am willing to take shots of vanilla extract. That's how this night has been.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
My dildo fell into the bathtub. It sounded like a chainsaw.
he was extremely fucked up- he thought my sports bra was his boxers. even when his leg wouldnt fit. at least whiskey dick wasnt a problem
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
Oh, and apparently I was butt ass naked and walked into the room where anna was skyping her dude in afghanistan and said "This is happening."
I asked if anyone's pants felt wet on the bottom, like a half hour after mine did. I had just peed my pants i had gotten so high no biggie
Mate, you pissed in my bed. Then told me to "Just keep swimming"
Hey I consider Sunday's trip to the ER a success. You're alive and now you know for sure you're not pregnant. I got my highest ever Tetris score. Wins all around.
They had an Olympic theme party at her work yesterday. She brought home her fake gold medal and hung it on my cock after she rode me.
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
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