K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
ah, there's nothing like waking up to picture messages of a strange man's cock. life is good.
haha, that's fucked up. flacid cock pictures are the mental breakfast of champions.
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
So i'm in a museum and theres a punch bowl from 1765 with a picture of 3 men forcing the 4th to drink the punch bowl. Colonial hazing
Taped crackers to the wall. Sat I'n the dryer. Bobby had to pull me out by my hair. No more.
Before attempting to fly away into the night you asked me to take care of your sister. I agreed.
Count me out. I seem to have semen induced blindness in one eye.
My mom now keeps ice cubes on hand for my bong water. We may be able to work this relationship out.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
You said that you were drinking out of a pan, and then went on to apologise to 'Jesus and all the other guys' for drinking on a Sunday.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
I'm glad I date someone who likes the simple things. Sex, kittens, and McDonald's.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
Randomize
