We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
It just feels so wrong throwing away the condoms into her Hello Kitty trashcan
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
I feel like I was just dunked in a tub of beer and then thrown in a giant dryer with rocks in it.
Got some good news and bad news about the hayride this weekend.
The good news is its still on, the bad news is we don't have any hay. The best news, if you drink enough you won't give a fuck that its just a trailer.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
Btw kudos to your tongue last night. Sorry about that lady jizz in your beard.
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
I just masterbated to the home shopping channel...what have I become...
Pretty sure we're going to get a cease & desist notice from the Make A Wish Foundation, but until then...
He eats kale on the regular. Do I look like a bitch that wants to eat kale. No. Give me some Boston market.
Randomize
