When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
i was getting a blow-job tonight in the mens bathroom of a bar and the bouncer comes in and says "bro i don't mean to cock block but you cant do that here."
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
I want to miss work tomorrow on account of violent projective vomit... Make it happen
the guy sitting next to me at the bar has a patrick swayze tattoo hovering over a roast beef sandwich. 'merica.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
It was rough. I have dried puke in my hair and I don't know if it's mine or from the girl I met on the ground waiting for a cab.
Remember last NYE when after the 9th shot of tequila you went on full crazy mode and made out with the 50 y/o doorkeeper? and he called you the next day?
Just let me suck your dick and be happy. Let me have this.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
I made an executive decision to rename my Resume file to something other than MONEYMONEYMONEY.
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
well we started off by chasing vodka with chocolate milk and ended up trying to befriend a crippled raccoon so that should tell you how our night went
Xanax, wine, and giving the neighbor blue balls. How about you?
Jesus, it’s Tuesday morning! Not back stage with Motley Crew
Randomize