Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Mr. Last Night just informed me I told him to be very quiet when he left this morning and high-fived him as a goodnight kiss. Drunk me is slutty and manly.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
Dude they even gave me free lube for being tested! Best. Hiv test. EVER.
you looked up at me mid puke with tears in your eyes and asked to make sure no one took your turn at Wii
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
Dude random question. Where you with me when the vulture got electrocuted from the power lines and fell on the sidewalk in front of us?
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You smell like a steam boat captain.
Whatever your on right now, I want.
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Randomize
