He bought me ice cream and then I gave him a bj
I think that's fair trade off
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
There's sex hanging in the air like a pinata. European people are no joke.
do you think she knows her nickname is brickface?
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
it's a simple rule - pass out shirtless on the couch, become an airsoft target.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
We're about to play the try not to vom at the president's house game...
Dude we smoked with a bunch of random stoners in a forest, then group hugged. It was the most magical thing we've ever done.
A bitchslap is in order.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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