Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I've thrown up so many times in the third floor bathroom of Baldwin that they should probably just go ahead and name it after me.
so the girl i've been sleeping with for 3 weeks now just figured out that i don't know her name
who knew i was capable of sobriety and human-like emotions all in the same night?
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Based on the time of Sean's "I'm on your street" phone call last night, we had sex for an hour and a half. Man, time flies when you're getting boned to an orgasmic death.
I had mdma, weed, and alcohol in my system. My doctor seems to think that's how I tore my groin.
So, in keeping with the last two years, are we going to watch the new Hobbit movie on acid again? It's kinda starting to feel like a Christmas tradition.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I just had sex on my kitchen counter. It's like the American dream
Is that your mom climbing in your window dude
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