I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
Apparently they want to see what I've been working on for the last three months. Can I just hand them a bunch of empty fifths?
My Adderall prescription says to take my recommended dose and throw away any leftover pills. Why don't more prescriptions come with jokes like this?
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
NO. NO LET HIS PENIS TOUCH YOU.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
Three Architectural classes: $990.00 Architectural supplies: $300.00 Changing majors and using my architectural supplies to roll blunts: Priceless
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
Kinda awkward to hear your aunt complain about loose women when you're in town to be a stunt dick for a swingers convention. Just sayin.
who are you talking about my vagina to?!
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
Sorry this is taking so long. I'm looking for my dignity.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
Did I tell you I drunk fucked my one roommate last week
Uh no
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
Randomize
