dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
Tall, dark & handsome can suck my short, pale & awkward dick.
I just met a guy from Australia at the bar. I asked him what it was like down under and he told me if I went home with him he'd let me find out. I love Australians.
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
Just tell your mom you have to go somewhere half naked with a strange man. She'll understand
These pissing matches have to stop. They led to last night's scotch through the nose shots. I'll never smell again.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
Let us bow our heads and pray that I don't throw up in the tub
I mean, you got a giant dick. I've seen lawn gnomes that are smaller.
I wish drunk me came with subtitles
Bumble is fuckin insane here. I'm going to break a hip.
bitch dont make me pour hotsauce in your vagina
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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