Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
Just ordered a clown who does balloon animals. No backing out now.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
i figure if i show enough tits, no one will notice my eyebrows.
i think she just faxed a picture of her vag from the office copy machine... i mean what kind of sexting is that... wait is that even legal???
Also they do not have any come back to america, i miss my fuck buddy cards at Hallmark.
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
The compounded multi day delayed hangover hit me hard today, with a vengeance normally reserved for large objects that go in my ass. I don't feel good.
I was orgasming and dying of laughter at the same time. I think I've found the One.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
Last night I actually told him I came with a washer and dryer
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