whjeg hajt iyt
say what?
wanna hang out?
apparently farting at a cop is considered assault.
So I was talking to her on the phone last night and had to mute it so I could take a crap.
Side Note: My mute button doesn't work.
I think I just tested my sobriety limits for unicycling.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Currently doing my walk of shame down a floating dock. No more guys who live on a boat EVER AGAIN
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Last night I was this close to hooking up with someone called "Handjob Pat" dubbed for the time he paid $150 for a handjob in Canada.
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Is banging someone in the national guard considered a state service or a national one?
He was playing minecraft so I took a shower with my vibrator
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Randomize
