I cant wait to get the disapproving look from this elderly black lady...
I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
i'm going to be one of those im-wearing-a-shirt-as-a-dress girls today. dont make fun of me, i need laid
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
there are two kinds of girls in this world: my mom, and sluts.
Freshman just walked up and thanked me for letting him hide under my bed when the cops showed up to the house last weekend
There are dudes in kilts outside my window practicing fire breathing with cheap vodka and a modified grill lighter. I thought you should know.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
I just slammed another champagne, swaggered over to her, pointed across the room at the 20 y/o lacrosse player and whispered loudly, "I brought that one for YOU." I'm getting a raise.
I mean, except for the part where I was vomiting up pineapple and hot sauce, it was a really fun time.
I like how you were offering me $50 last night to come home with you to take care of you and your dog
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
My dad told me I would need to be my mom's DD tonight. So, that's how my Easter weekend is going down.
Wow I really just sharted up in this Kroger
Randomize
