It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
no weekend plans? you're practically married
just without the last name or joint bank account
i'd advise against both
I told my new friends about my possible new chin. They said I should get my nose done first. Please tell me I'm pretty or something.
i just found a bag of weed behind my capital one card. i guess that's what's in my wallet.
It's what America was founded on: former hookups referring you for a job four years later.
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Did he seem like the type of guy that would maybe take weed as payment?
And then you told me I had large hands and looked like a girl who would have an illegitimate child that I never talked about
I just tried to order ice cream on my bagel. I think I should just call it
all a girl really needs is a few good pair of leggings and a drug dealer that delivers.
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I just found your shirt hanging in a tree 4 blocks from the party...in the opposite direction of your house. where are you going?
don't let your emotions get tangled in that sexy beard of his.
I've never seen anyone as high as you were.. you collapsed onto the kitchen floor hugging a tub of ice cream. You named it phil.
Honestly, you can’t tell the whole sorority he has a donkey dick and expect that no one would sleep with him after you broke up
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