I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
Everything tastes like Lysol. Am I dying?
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
This was just another one of those days you wished you had a penis-size indicator instead of wasting your time isn't it?
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
What could go wrong? i could have a mental breakdown with a bottle of champagne hand cuffed to a frat bro
I found a hot kiwi last time and sucked his dick. That's what rooftop bars are made for.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He let me share his family pack of hot pockets with him. Chivalry isn't dead after all.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize