he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
you might get a letter about the baby you put in me. i was mad when i sent it.
No I remember falling down the stairs I just don't remember it hurting.
I blacked out, started puking and peed on the guy I was hooking up with. Mid hand job.
How old are you? 14? Who gives hand jobs anymore?
Salt in an open wound right now.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
I drank, I fought, I made my ancestors proud.
And then someone hit me with a pool cue
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Your shirt... Was in my pants
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
That's right. I just LL Cool J'ed you up in this bitch. Zero fucks.
Today's hangover is brought to us by Sailor Jerry's and your dedication to my alcoholism.
I need your opinion, is it ACTUALLY sweet that a booty call offered to walk me home with an umbrella because it was raining, or is that just low standards?
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