I have two black x marks on my hands.
Yep you got cut off last night after a stripper bent over in front of you and you screamed very loudly 'I can see your soul from here'
damnit I wish I could remember that.
How many times do you have to sleep with a guy before you get him to kiss you???
The walls in my apartment are so thin that sometimes when I fart, I stop to listen if people are laughing next door.
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
for a minute I thought I needed to put on pants to go get a burrito, but then I remembered I'm in college
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
My blowjobs put them in a state of relaxation similar to that of getting hit with a tranquilizer. The fear comes after the sex.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
My sex toys have been held in customs for almost a month now. They're British, what the hell?!?
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
This is why you arnt allowed in pet stores
How is it that I can make it to my 8am Friday morning still drunk after passing out the night before...but not to my 9am on Tuesday that I went to bed early for? Irony or karma?
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize