I gotta feeling the economic climate has killed the housewife market
Just got my period. I'm not pregnant with Scott's child and I won't be having any sex tonight. This must be what they mean by bittersweet.
this chick on a show just showed her boobs and let some guy paint them others asked why she did it and her reply i quote "i was bored" why dont chicks get bored more often
I just witnessed two drunk midgets fighting over a graham cracker. I can die happy now.
I can't make this stuff up. Your ex is singing I Will Survive on the karaoke.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
From time to time I think I'm happy for a second and then I remember how a guy stopped me from giving him head on my birthday weekend.
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
just creeped your profile pictures and you should feel satisfied in knowing that you had great eyebrows even before people started drawing them on
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
WHERE THE FUCK AM I? AND WHO PUT DUCK TAPE ON MY NIPPLES! MY NIPPLES!!!!!!
Wait til you see what we did to Dave. Hairy bastard will never be the same
drunk me always erases text conversations because she is a woman of mystery and does not like for me to know what's going on in her life
Randomize
