next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
miscarriage! now THATS a gift from god.
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
stranger just walked up to the fridge at the party, took the hawaiin punch out, drank it straight from the bottle, looked at everyone who stared in awe and said "im fucking thirsty" and put it back.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
He knows as soon as he hits chameleon eye status drunk, he is guaranteed to piss the bed we NEED to push him there
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
He got up in the middle of the show and returned with this massive ham shank, then offered me some by asking "wanna suckle on my hog." Should I be offended?
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
