sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
she was so hung over that i had to hold her hair while she puked in a trash can in the middle of the student center as new freshman and their parents walked by.
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
It was like she tried to cover up all the weight she gained with a fake tan...
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Hey it happens. Think of it this way- you didn't wake up in jail, your face wasn't inexplicably busted and you still have all your teeth. In this group of friends, you're on top!
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"
How do you feel? I threw up in a towel. Also, a lot of other things.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
nothing says "fuck you jocks from high school my life is better than yours" like bringing 5 grand in 20s to the bar
Also, if asking a guy to come over and watch curling with you doesn't scream let's fuck then idk what does
we should most definitely have a fire extinguisher in the apartment. like... for sure
She's dancing around licking a fork of nutella. She is not sober.
I've decided it's okay if I take a pregnancy test every month. Then I can be like, "Good job, self, way to not procreate this month!"
Randomize
