Just got back from doctors appt. He lied. It wasn't a pimple on his dick.
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just farted cum and thought I shit myself. Crisis averted tho
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I'm not sure what happened last night but I woke up next to him and I was wearing nothing but my grandpa's diabetic socks, so I'm letting that fill in the blanks.
Mike is worried about me going on a cruise in June without him....how cute he thinks we are going to last till June
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
Whiskey dick has taught us to be smart with our time.
The paramedics were not my fault this time.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
