we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
It was all going great until he pulled the hamburger meat out of his pocket
First of all, I don't like eggnog. Second of all too much rum is all bad. And thirdly I'm not there to sit in your lap and pretend you are Santa and I've been a bad girl.
We are there now. They have a giant cock and balls with an eagles face and wings.
You know you are 86'd from the legacy right? You can't down shots then spike the shot glass
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
The police report said "I asked the suspect if he had any identification. He replied yes and gave me a Pizza Hut gift card"
Nothing like a little chlamydia diagnosis to ring in the new year
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
Randomize
