So then the officer asked you how you were getting home and you told him "very carefully"
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
I got used. This is the happiest day of my life. I was just a huge cock and that is all she needed.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
I slept with someone only because he got my Simon Birch impression. It was a new low.
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
Randomize
