where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
that's just what I need...drunk ass people throwin hatchets in the dark.
Important detail I forgot to tell you: leprechaun loves david bowie.
I'm so excited for this wedding, I feel like a school girl about to get finger launched on the dance floor at the sadie hawkins dance
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
I.V.'s should just be available for purchase at Walmart. God I'm dehydrated.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Happy cinco de mayo!! Puke filled sombrero in the lawn needs to be picked up and whos never punched my fence boards in half needs to replace those by the way the owner of those panties (see attached photo) anytime you wanna cum over;-) hiii!
I have just found the cubicle of sustenance. And I will rejoice at all the families that have not found this magic. This vodka cubicle of magic.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
Nothing says I'm doing some sketchy shit like coming out of your bedroom with your underwear inside out
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