...i apologize for hitting you up so much tonight im just kinda in a little pickle. im going to sleep in my car near u so pretty plz lmk if you head home...
I woke up with my 26er down my pants and a peice of paper stuck to my forehead with gum that said "tell it to the greek goddess beside me"
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm watching sex and the city with my wine and Wendy's. I'm not sure if this is single woman empowerment or not.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I really wanted to pound but her roomate was making mac n cheese n shit so I was trying to time her moans to the drone of the microwave
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Treating myself to outback while reading the entire manual that comes with my birth control in public. Is this what single has come to?
I was giving him a blowjob but we had to stop because he started crying when his cat walked in and started staring at us
He offered me my choice of the Abe Lincoln or Ben Franklin dick pic.
I can't believe the police had to bring me to my booty call last night
Your boobs are like a folk legend.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
