I thought she was going to get passionate and throw her on the bed and fuck her, but she just started breaking stuff.
That's the thing about women.
At dinner I grabbed his hand and he screamed "mom she just grabbed my penis" the proceeded to shove my hand down his pants! Hello Mr.Dick!
my girlfriend just compared my daughters eyes to gollum from lord of the rings.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
surprisingly enough, it isn't that uncomfortable to have sex with a heart monitor on
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
At the party. I feel like I just walked into a lifesize blunt.
Having a vagina does not stop me from believeing my balls are bigger than yours.
Sex in the corn maze.....not as good as advertised.
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
I just put on my phone calendar to remind me of my final child support payment in 2029
How about to stay friends we only have sex on our birthdays. Maybe national holidays too. And days we get really drunk. Wanna get really drunk?
Holy shit I'm 26! That took an embarrassingly long time to figure it out, I need to keep buyin weed from this kid
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
