I wish they made sweatshirts for legs
you mean pants?
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
i woke up in the fire place with a lighter in my hand. if i would have died the night would have made up for it.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
I managed to make myself a bowl of apple jacks, took one bite and had to stop eating them because they were making my brain wiggle. How was your comedown?
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
I need to find parents that want to take care of a grown adult. I'm sure there's a website out there for that. Like a sugar daddy but sugar parents.
He FaceTimed me fucking his new girlfriend. He was wearing a banana costume.
And they're not making a turkey. My cousin was "hoping to shoot a bird this week"
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
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