lesson #67 learned in college: a three day old margarita, is still a margarita.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
She kept biting his ear when he was talking to people, that was only 3 drinks in...
She sat on the stairs and yelled sex positions at us. I don't remember if we went along with it but judging by the beer and condoms I'm thinking yes.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
You got a blow job by a girl whose nickname is "the terrible tooth"?! You are a brave man.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
Called my house today and my 10 year old brother answered and asked if I was still in jail
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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