So, someone in Olympia stole my credit card # last week and bought a platypus vibrator with it. That’s it.
Can I use cash for clunkers to trade in her boobs for a new set of 18 year old tits?
Its worth a shot.
he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
Also, I imagined that his bacne was bubblewrap and that made it much more tolerable
You couldn't find your shoe so you introduced yourself as Cinderella for the rest of the night.
Ahh that explains the text from creepy mike saying he would be my prince charming.
Dude, you were dipping oreos in vodka and asking people to try it, "It's so good!"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
I just finished packing for spring break, took me 4 minutes. To be fair though I only put my trunks, a pair of underwear, and 50 condoms in my bag.
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
I fell into the fireplace. That is a pretty good sign to stop drinking fireball
If I take one more surprise finger up the ass this week there will be hell to pay.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
Randomize
