i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
I have a new drinking limit. I'll stop when I know I'm going to untag the picture that was just taken of me.
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
The straight man in me wants to hit on her. But the gay man in me wants to compliment her on her awesome outfit.
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
Apparently she was filling Miller Lite bottles with water because I refused to be seen drinking water in a bar
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
literally took my pants off in the middle of bourbon last night without taking off my heels im a super human i guess
All I wanted was a good weekend full of booze, laughs, and maybe some penis. Instead, someone is in the hospital, I didn't sleep at all last night. And not because I got laid.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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