I woke up in a stranger's bathtub with a broken shower curtain as my blanket.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
I am sleeping on the floor in your room so if you have sex in here just don't roll on me
why im i the only drunk person in the library?
she said her black crocs were her 'dress up crocs'
Facebook stalking a girl from Germany is harder then you think.you have to copy and paste all this shit into freetranslations.com then try and piece together an awkward sentence. If only I could put this energy into something productive.
Under someone's bed. Not sure whose. I think they're sleeping in it.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
Ginormous penis in the breeze, cumming champagne showers into your eye
IM FEEDING MY CAT ALL THE HAM
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I guess there's no delicate way to say "I'm 90% sure I sucked his dick in the bathroom of the bar."
I wonder how many people I can tell that he has one nut before he finds out it's me spreading it.
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
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