??? When I first met her at the bar, she told me she was 23. After I bought her 3 shots of tequila, she told me she was really only 21. When we went back to my house, she said she was really only 19. She's still sleeping next to me butt naked. I'm afraid if she opens her mouth again I could be looking at 10 years.
just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
Sometimes I think my vagina thinks its a penis.
Just taught my suite how to queef. I feel like i'm back in 9th grade!
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
I want a meaningful relationship and i wont get one if i keep giving him blow jobs in my basement while watching family guy.
Reason #1 for no sex outdoors: Mosquito bites. Awkward, awkward mosquito bites.
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
I've got a whole match.com system. Triple book. First dates always get the 6pm happy hour drinks slot. 8pm dinner goes to a girl where I think I can close the deal. 10pm slot goes to the sure thing in case of emergency, but 6 can always trump 8 and 8 always trumps 10. Just blame it on a dead iPhone battery.
That, my friend, is how I bang 50 new girls a year. Not luck at all. It's science and statistics.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I'm not asking for life coaching, I'm just asking if you know where I left my underpants.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Nah, we’re just sitting around talking about different kinds of boners
Randomize
