She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
He just kept yelling "body massage machine go" at random intervals throughout the night
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Indeed. Apparently I called my sisters and told them I wouldn't get arrested because it's not a real sword.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
She gatecrashed the wedding and managed to get an invite to the open bar reception. Lucky bitch
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
I just found a condom in my jolly ranchers bag. This is a good omen.
Randomize
