either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
Have you ever seen a midget fist pump? BEST. THING. EVERRRRR.
First date: that requires underwear, huh?
I knew she was going to get knocked up just by looking at her facebook pics
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
Suppose hypothetically u received a request for face time communication with a gentleman who looked astonishingly like a penis. Would you indulge him in conversation? Hypothetically of course.
he's dressing as a chick for halloween. of course i'm gonna make him get his legs professionally waxed. how is this even a question?
Please put me on a plane and hypontize me into forgetting the little bit of last night that I do remember.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
How do I sound like a lady while communicating the fact that I want his dick in my mouth?
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
Randomize
