drunk doesn't even begin to explain it. dude called him and said to bring you back because he'd already called dibs.
mid puke you looked up at me and asked if it was your turn to sing
He just did blow off my nipples. He's not serious about his girlfriend.
Apparently I mistakenly called the hair club for men at 3am... they called me back this morning.
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
True as that may be, are you coming to the birth of my imaginary child or not?
I apologize for excluding you. On a better note: the stripper that made out with my wife friend requested me on facebook
She was so morning drunk she asked the lady at brueggers for a bandaid and my self respect back
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Bro my mom is in for two days and you can't even hold back on the drinking she said as she left i hope he doesn't always pee his pants and he is sure popular with the girls wtf
I faked more orgasms with him then ever should be allowed for someone this pretty.
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I am attempting to break the habit of calling him daddy.
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
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