The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
i knew i liked her after she chugged tequila, fell down the stairs and said "oh dont worry i knew it'd be faster this way"
Ya,, he does have virgin eyes. Thats a real thing you know...
We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
I have surprise drugs for everyone
you force-fed me gummy vitamins while screaming "I JUST WANT YOU TO BE HEALTHY" i have never been so terrified in my life.
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
When nipples stop being hilarious I'll stop getting them out in public.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
It's like everybody loves Raymond but the total opposite and everyone wants him to die
you said "it's karaoke night" and tried to use my dick as a microphone
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
Haha do not judge my life style choices right now but me and Dj had sex twice and then he helped me pick an outfit out for my date
Randomize
