those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
would it be subtle enough if I played birthday sex on repeat while I may or may not be stripping?
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Ohh man. That was a snatch-waxer with a score to settle.
Bonded with the ladies at the perfume outlet by saying "help me smell like i'm not hungover before my shift starts". This is not where I wanted my life to be
My legs feel like baby dolphins
Did this whole conversation happen while you were shitting?
....I just did my boss
I love you. And I will hold your hand as we skip on the road to hell.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
So being hungover in an office full of people with hangovers for 9 hours is quite possibly what hell will be like.
Randomize
