you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
Thanks be to the Goddess of Whores!! I straightened my bed before Ken got here. Found Calvin's boxers in the sheets!!!!
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I fully support your bad decision but I do not approve of your unironic use of the word yolo
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
She asked what a chaser is. I died a little inside, please come back..
He casually compared computer science to childbirth and I was like "hey, as someone who has wanted to fuck you for six months now, could you please never talk about childbirth ever again"
hey i'm sure you are probably asleep bc you suck and think sleep is necessary to live or something?
Randomize
