They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
Hooked up with 8 guys, puked 4 times, got a few bruises, and my face is still numb... I think this visit has truly impacted my college decision
Ahhh sometimes you just need a thermos of whiskey in the library
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I think a kid would responsible me up
Yea dude. I'm gonna be the life of the party. THIS BITCH GETS DRUNK BY HERSELF
If you don't get head tonight I will castrate you
Seriously. Castrate.
i convinced him to be a french maid for halloween. he has no idea what he's in for. i just ordered the breast forms.
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
Again. I'm very sorry I tried to poke your eye out. You've been aware of my inability to aim since day one.
Being in nursing school really pays off when your dealer tries to pass off naproxen as Percocet. Like I may have made a C in pharm but I aced the pain drug test
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
Randomize
