You know it's an interesting night when you drunkenly scream at your boss, "You'd make a HORRIBLE OBGYN!! You're hands are ENORMOUS!"
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
You have permanently scared my back with your nails. I would like to congratulate you on a job well done.
This hurricane was the perfect excuse to buy 2 pounds of animal crackers and a case of beer. It's on Sandy.
Liz is crying about burritos again.
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Yeah, I've hit on priests at bars, too. Such a shame, there are a lot of hot men out there who've devoted themselves and their glorious genitalia to the Lord -_-
look, my penis is an amusement park, and it's closed for maintenance. why can't you just accept that?
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
Randomize
