first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
I told him I don't date guys unless they play a musical instrument. So, he's here and he brought a kazoo.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
you know it's a good party when the fucking floor caves in. THE FUCKING FLOOR.
sriracha body shots, that's gonna be a thing
it's like you just said "i want you to suffer"
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I just want to dump glitter on my floor and roll in it like a cat in catnip.
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
I just tinder matched with a blue angels pilot. I need to make out with him. For America.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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