I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
I've woke up in his bed 4 out of the past 6 mornings. I feel like this might be the time to learn more about him then his first name and what kind of beer he drinks.
Come to wine Wednesday bro. We have a fog machine
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
I hate having to put a bra on before I go home cuz I have to pretend I actually went to class today
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
Why can't all sociopaths be as fabulous as me?
alright well you definitely hurt his feelings though you told him he looked like he was going to an Amish community prayer meeting..
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
i just remembered i drunk watched the brave little toaster last night
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
Randomize
