If i could bang her from 80ft away, I would
hey did I tally my arm again of # of shots?
nope, you were tallying rejections at the party
So I'm pretty sure I fucked the dept of homeland security guy on my kitchen table. No recollection of it, but there are signs.
I miss your penis. I'm telling you this as a friend, like its just a really great penis. You should be proud of it.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
You sent me a picture of you holding a goat then asked me if I would have day sex
She has dubbed herself the Pied Piper of Penis and keeps yelling about getting Cocktober started... Will send pix soon
We took vodka shots. You kept saying it was the key to your heart.
I wouldn't hate if he could handle a sex only type of ship. I really don't want to use the word "relation" in front of that.
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
I can't even be mad at customs in houstons airport anymore for missing my flight and having to stay overnight. Within an hour of meeting we did it at her place. Her last word being "glad I could show you real southern hospitality". I'm definitely coming back here someday
so.. please tell me you did not really sleep on the washing machine last night
guilty
I'll start working on my manners when you stop using please and thank you in the bedroom.
Randomize
