you can't get genital warts from dogs can you?
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Got free coffee because I told the guy at starbucks the pleats in his khaki pants made his cock look big.
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Is adulthood just morning sex and then walking through the grocery store 20 min later looking for something to take to work for lunch?
...and then running into your dad at said grocery store...
Booty calls should never involve the cops.
She said, I've heard about you, from girls you wouldn't even be interested in. What?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
Certain restrictions may apply. Common side effects of sex with me include unbridled joy, a healthy glow, soreness and the inability to walk for short to long amounts of time. If any of these side effects occur please consult your physician, so he/she can prescribe me a "high-five".
I gave her the last ten dollars to my name and bitch comes back with a six pack of bud light and a pack of sour patch kids
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
So how do I tell him I've been sleeping with his wife too?
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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