I am going to fall madly in love with a ginger, marry the ginger and have lil ginger children running all around town. Oy
You shut your mouth
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
update: last drink of the night and im naked in my porch hammock. life is good.
I changed the background on my phone to a picture of you so whenever I go to look at porn or text another girl I'll have second thoughts
Am I supposed to find that romantic?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
btw found the cat. he didn't appreciate the toilet bath.
judging from the lines on my body they wheeled me back in a shopping cart
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Ok I'm good with that cause I'm gonna disappear for 90 days
Are you goin to rehab again?
Jake bring pizza.
JAKE BRING PIZZA.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You had one beer and one beer can full of vodka and you took a huge gulp of one of them and called it Emily Roulette
MASS TEXT: Lets start a new tradition. Black Friday log pic contest. I'm waiting.
His brother just asked him in all seriousness if it would be cool if they became eskimo brother brothers.
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
Randomize
