I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
Who topped off the "random beer mix" beer bong with a pinch of pepper?? All you could taste was busch and pepper...
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
She was totally amazed that i had the pizza delivery timed to coincide with our nooner and that the delivery boy knew where the broom closet on the 3rd floor was.
I was just informed that I asked for a glass of wine at the police station
I'm sure it would have gone very well with the cigarette you lit there.
Dude. Craziest ride ever. I was convinced that the bus was an airplane. There were clouds when I looked out the window. I got really upset every time the bus turned because airplanes shouldn't turn.
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
