Yeah I gave the girl a dirty look. And only a three dollar tip.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
ISS teacher has a tramp stamp.
Shotgun.
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
That glade motion activator thing keeps going off every time we pass the bong. I don't know what I'm getting high off right now.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
the only good thing about breaking up with him while naked was that i got to make a forgetting sarah marshall reference
Um...celebrating is an understatement. You flashed the guy at the mexican restaurant and then screamed, "It's just my bikini, I swear!"
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
I just masturbated at work... Don't know why but I thought you should know
I’m not dating him for his personality. I’m dating him so I can steal his dog.
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