he said 'i love fucking you, ashley'. it was the most romantic thing he's said during sex because he actually used my name.
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
My dad just told the waiter to keep the pitchers coming until someone passes out.
Drunk texting with my high school teacher. This hurricane is bringing out the best in everyone!
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Food poisoning on first date... Still rode the mechanical bull like a champ
Damn you and your marathon penis with its superhuman capabilities
Oh my god, it's like someone broke the off button in my butthole
Can you repeat that, but with context?
wow bdsm is so cute
You know my vagina and my heart have a mind of their own even when it’s pouring snow.
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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