Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
What is wrong with this kid? He'll take ecstasy but won't take dayquil?
wanna play who's drunker? I just made macaroni & cheese taco and offered it to the pizza Guy as a tip.
only you would end up drunk at a subway with a one-eyed homeless man
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
and she just brought her bike into the shower with her
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
I told you that you should stop drinking and you responded "Thanks for telling me how to live, North Korea!"
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
These business classes have improved my drug business ten fold
Randomize
