your horoscope this morning...very interesting...good luck today
ok so i jsut did the walk of shame with this random guy that i had sex with at the hotel party, and the lady at the front desk said "wow you're just now leavin?"
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
You should've come to the party. It was like an identity parade of everyone you screwed last year.
Just realized ive been sitting through all of lab with a condom in my bra.
yay hump day
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We were in bed, and he looked at me and asked if I'd be weirded out if he took his leg off. BEST.SEX.EVER.
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
