Just because i have a masturbation problem doesnt mean you can put 20 photos of Jesus in my room.
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
There's going to be a pool, lightsabers and alcohol. What could go wrong?!
It was my little brother's 14th birthday today. Didn't know what to get him so I just showed him how to use incognito tabs on google chrome.
You're telling me you've never sent a picture of your cock to a girl and then were all like "Oops, sorry, wrong person! By the way...You like?"
I thought monday through wednesday was a YOLO free zone.
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
I thought it was my alarm clock, turns out it was her vibrator still going off on the side of my face.
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Today's been pretty great, I went and bought the new Batman for the sole purpose of masturbating to Bane
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
Randomize
