we're getting ready to take strippers to breakfast. I love my life.
I hate bills.
Like ones you have to pay or people named William?
Anyone ask you how much a bj cost yet? That shirt is so whorish
is it bad that the only reason i knew what antidote meant in class today, was from years of playing pokemon?
captain morgan taught me last night that resee's puffs are way better when eaten straight out of the sink.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
I just found out that my father was a Human condom for halloween when I was 4. And to think I used to wonder where my sense of humor came from.
He managed to get his pants on, so the cop just sat there facing us with his lights shining in the car. I made shadow puppets.
i now officially have to be stoned in order to look like my passport when i go to a different country
I think I reached some stage of aging, have a sore/injured shoulder from sex, next up carpal tunnel from sexting.
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
i need to stop establishing animals as safe words. Giraffe and Penguin are really awkward words to say during sex
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
Randomize
