I want to buy you liquor! I want to kiss your face.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
You came out of the bathroom, said "I'M DRUNK BUT I REMEMBERED TO WASH MY HANDS!" and then insisted that she smell them.
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
It was easier that asking where the vagina platter is.
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
I'm at this party and a blind kid just walked in and asked "where is the fucking pong table"
I'm too horny to sleep. I need some violent sex to wind me down.
Randomize
