somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
well as my mentor always said, "Don't antagonize the man whose penis gives you multiple orgasms."
I feel like a really awesome person when i have to check my roof for things i've lost
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
Well look at it this way, if he should happen to get into a terrible accident within the next 2 days, its okay.. i have his dental records on my ass cheek.
I've also hijacked your can opener. Sadly not for the same sexual reason as the muddler.
Cant wait to drunkenly tell by kids that i banged their aunt katie in a weird threesome
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
You have to start asking people if they're gay before you kiss them..
if the furniture in my bedroom wasn't shape shifting... this would be a different story.
Why do you hate her?
She's dating the best penis that has ever entered my vagina.....
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
Randomize
