i just wish he would text me so i could ignore his text and show him how little i care anymore
Dude.. I don’t care how hairy she is, you already left me at the bar, and now I have to find another fucking way home... NOW BE A MAN ABOUT IT!
Any day that starts with a call from my ex-bf... crying... is a good day.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
This is part your fault too. Don't tell me your dishes are unbreakable and not expect me to prove you wrong.
You broke into someone's house and stole a pan of lasagna.
Pretty sure I'm taking the break up well. Alcohol made me okay with it and drugs keep me agreeing with why I dumped him in the first place.
its weird that my cat bites every fat chick i bring home. i repeat every fat chick, qhT KINDA FRIEND ARE YOU
He saw one of my bras on the floor and said "damn you could eat soup out of this"
Sometimes i think i need to stop drinking because i can't afford losing so many panties anymore
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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