don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
I got her a Nickelback box set.
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
and he said i stripped him down, hand cuffed him to his bed post, and tickled his arm pits, and then continued to watch The Hangover.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
I don't have the urge to be a home-wrecker with these two. I think I've grown, don't you?
Does this sound normal?...She's ironing on pictures of her dead cat to all of her green clothes...
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
I'm really sorry that I blew your friend in your bed, but to be fair he started it.
You know you're high when, "Why can't I steal the duck?!" Becomes a serious question.
All my friends are getting into relationships and going through breakups and I'm having Plan Bs and crunch wraps for dinner.
Randomize
