You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
is it sad that pink shorts and cowboy hats remind me of getting jizz in the hair?
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
My vagina has officially become a vortex for sexually confused frat guys.
oh god...if the people that live above me killed themselves again then im gonna assume im the worst neighbor ever
Thanks, college. Tonight's decisions brought to you by margs in a nalgene.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
I mean your new thing is losing body parts and feeling colors so its not like we are hurting for entertainment
Just finished off half a bottle of vodka. Can't take in anymore liquids so I ate 3 spoonfuls of your powdered gatorade to fight off the hangover. Wish me luck and check me for a pulse when you get in!
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Do not tell me I cant do drunk math ever again, AND I made a creative way of telling him I want him to fuck me.
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
Randomize
