you are the weird ass hat to my lady gaga
He told me to fart on his lap because the vibrations turned him on
Ironically her ferret's toys look like her sex toys.....this is a whole new level of kinky for me
No you can't have a vodka redbull. The pilgrims didn't have vodka redbull.
Well, he has like 3 girlfriends but I think I could be polygamist for that dick.
This has been your unwelcomed wake-up call, brought to you by exes united. Have a good day, to opt out please type "STOP", to continue but act as though they do not exist please enter "DON'T CARE" for random daily wake up texts by exes united please press "PSYCHO!"
i just found this napkin with your number on it in my jacket pocket. it reads amy, drawing of a wine bottle and a house
Beer bonging to Ave Maria
You should make a checklist to ensure they are quality material. Here's mine: wearing shoes, not drunk, very hot, has teeth, speaks english. You never know
Gross! What the hell is that?!?
It's quite clearly a man posing erotically with multiple packages of bacon.
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
My fridge door just caught on fire somehow.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
So he called his lawyer from the bar to confirm the cost of hitting the douchebag before flooring him. I respect his planning skills.
Randomize
