I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
hey sry I lost all my numbers who is this?
pat the guy you slept with
still need a last name
please remember that your boobs are bigger than your sisters. when you borrow her shirts they stretch and then shes left flapping in the breeze. dont borrow her clothes anymore. love dad.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
allie, at least he made an effort and braided his goatee.
On 3 separate occasions, she grabbed my bullhorn to announce to the entire party she had fucked me.
I've hit an all time low of asking baristas what would go good with marshmallow vodka. I think I might hire one to party with all of us. To make hangover drinks
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
It's very disconcerting to wake up and she is gone. I never know where she could be. It's like playing wheres Waldo but Waldo could potentially be drunk and wandering around in weird places that normal Waldo's don't go.
Randomize