Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Only your wife would write 'for deposit only' on the back of that $1500 check knowing full and well our capabilities of spending it on strippers and booze
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I had to help some 40 year old women shoot down some 21 year old who called her his "milf fantasy"
I don't see how I managed to fuck up so much shit in an hour and a half..
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
Is it immoral to trade sex for the use of his laundry room?
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
I got outsmarted by a door tonight. Twice.
This is the third time I have overheard parents tell their children "don't be that girl" in reference to me. I'm either doing something horribly wrong or amazingly right
Randomize
