It is virtually impossible to listen to single ladies and perform any seated task.
so exactly how many freshman chicks did i tell to call me "the tripod"?
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
We left the house and she said "let's go dick hunting" theres no way last night was gonna end up well
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
Seriously. Texted me 4 times and that didn't wake me up so he nicely called and left a voicemail saying he WOULD call me 8 times. So when he called back I answered.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
Apparently I blacked out and started wrestling with some dude last night. Just found out I might have dislocated his shoulder. Best part: he still wants to bone me
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
dude, i just found out morgan freeman loves weed. all my moms arguments are now irrelevant
Woke up on a lawn chair hugging a bottle of vodka. Hows your morning so far?
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
Randomize