Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
My balls are so social today.
Just tipped at a bar in cheerios. Suck it.
i have this theory that all the people in the world who dont like mayonnaise had very bad encounter with jizz once
i'm watching the tyra show: "women who beat up their boyfriends" - lets see how she can make THIS one all about herself too.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
Your cousin just asked the bartender to start a round of vagina shots. Not body shots. Vagina shots. We're taking her out more often.
A houseboat for a bachelor party is a terrible idea, we nearly die when on dry land, so how the hell are we supposed to survive a 3 day binge on a massive lake?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
There's a video of you almost falling asleep in a bar stool listening to Jimmy Buffett. Nekkid.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Randomize
