You picked a bad night to stay in. ____ caught her hair on fire in ____'s birthday cake.
She had to stop drop and roll while two other girls beat the flames out. She might have a black eye
why doesnt he love me? i have tried everything. i even sang to him after sex.
you have got to be kidding?
People in love make me want to vomit
If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
I think my penis and your vagina just became best friends last night.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
Did you spray paint that captain morgan fifth that's in the freezer gold?
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I need to get a life, I am either crying at every glee episode or just wanting to blow rails off photos of us
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
My apartment is so clean right now, I should invite someone over for sex just so someone can see how clean it is.
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
I was playing 'If You Had To Fuck One or Die' with the old composite pictures with a guy in the bathroom line. They were all pretty ugly so I go "You can tell this is a lower tier frat"......turns out the guy was a brother
I just want to hook up with Ed Sheeran. Why does it have to be so difficult?
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