didnt we say no more talking to eachother
it will help you get over me i promise
im horny
ok i will unlock the door
So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
You'll put your fingers inside me but you won't be my FB friend?
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
sticking your hands in the toilet to wash your face is not acceptable. ever. i don't care how drunk you are.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Using all my books as packing buffer for my liquor bottles. And you said being an English major was worthless.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Incase you were wondering. Cooking naked turns into sex. Sex and cooking may lead to house fire....
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Randomize
