Don't cheat on me with the blonde bimbo religi freak
I wouldn't touch her with a ten foot pole
She's blonde
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
New requirements. My future husband must have a nose ring and wear headbands.
We are no longer friends.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
so while trying to be a healthier drunk i discovered that putting airborne in natty is not an advisable decision
Every time you come over you bleed on everything. I'm not calling Verizon again asking if blood is considered water damage.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
god. I was just thinkin about the fact that there was a time in our life when we didn't drink.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
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