Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
i would hope so, cause i don't think 'i drove off the road because i was getting some head' is covered in insurance
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
First off, get on bc solely in preperation for this event. Second, as my little sister you have a lot of whore to live up to.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just want to see him this morning so I can bask in my wasted accomplishment.
YOU'RE HIGH AND AT THE GYM OF COURSE YOU FEEL WEIRD
My thighs feel like glass
My wife just tried to justify to me why she wants to bring a girl into bed with us. I should win an academy award for my face and response of 'well of its what you need.'
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
Did you catch one of my beer pong balls in your cleavage or was that a dream?
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
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