I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
Last night was so much fun. i kept trying to lick everyone
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
So aparently telling your roommate you're going to spoon them so hard in the public place of their employment is inappropriate
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
I am eating deep fried cinnamon rolls and I found a lighter in my sprinkles. I miss you.
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
He literally wrote out a schedule. On it, there's a taco break, and a spot where I start crying.
I cannot, in good conscience, let you talk to a guy who wears Chaps and a knit beanie
Randomize
