peeing is so easy when youre drunk. you just tell your body to pee and it pees.
operation "beaches make me wet" is a go
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
There's an official council for his ex boyfriends. They told me they 'look forward to the day I join them'.
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
*tries to be fun and flirty* *literally gets peed on*
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
their motto was "the first one to get arrested wins" so of course today was interesting
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
