I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
Still can't decide which I'm more disappointed about: the blow job I gave him or the donuts I ate after.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
I did coke with the Royal Navy last night. God save the queen.
He blacked out and wouldnt drink anything unless he funneled it, so I made him funnel water
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
