my vag is so smooth its legendary
i guess its not very common for a paramedic to have to revive someone who was struck by a falling shampoo bottle while getting off from the bathtub faucet.
Fiestas. Its like a classier verson of mardi gras.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
I would give up sex for lent, but I think Jesus would understand that I went too long without it to go back now.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Also, I might need your help for a prank involving a hand puppet, a coke bottle, double-sided tape, and my dick...
I'm all for hockey players but dude, he asked me to lick his chipped tooth mid-hook up.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
Shut the fuck up! I can hear you having sex over Pirates of the Caribbean you moaning whore.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
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