I feel like I'm in dance class right now
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
sweetheart all i remember is you throwing up and saying "i thought things would be better now that barack obama is president"
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
We were showing our tits to everyone because it's breast cancer awareness month and we care deeply
I thought we were doing it cause it's Tuesday
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm high. Everything has a 45° angle. That is as far as my eyes open
He offered to buy me free breakfast if I stayed at the hotel overnight with him. I then realized they have a complimentary breakfast.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
I'm craving your dick and a microwave pizza
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
Randomize
